The Ride Home
by Silver Miko
Summary: How can I want him to notice me but at the same time want to be invisible to him? I wish I knew why I was feeling so weird tonight, but he always makes me so...nervous. ::AoshiMisao oneshot::


Author's note: got inspired.

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The Ride Home

Silver Miko

I can't help but thing something was fundamentally screwed up with me tonight but I suppose it's his fault. I didn't think he'd be here at work tonight, so I didn't even bother with make-up or anything. I work alone on Sundays anyway. Just me and my notebook to draw in because I get bored.

I didn't notice he was there until an hour into my shift, lo and behold, right across from me and I could feel my heart beat faster and felt nervousness in me. Butterflies in my stomach that always came when I saw him.

Lately I've been trying to say I didn't care anymore, that I was over my little crush and that my feelings had waned.

What a lie. I suppose you can only lie to yourself so much, but reactions tell otherwise.

If I didn't care would I get nervous?

If I didn't care would I feel so messed up?

It's strange. I want him to notice me, but tonight I wanted to be invisible and hide behind my counter, content with the bold lines of my drawings and my lone pink-covered manga to keep my busy.

I can't stare at him. He knows I liked him, like him. He'd think surely that I'm a weird stalker-type girl. People talk so easily, nothing is secret here. Everyone knows, and my pride gets a beating quite often but I wish I could say I didn't care.

It would be so easy not to care, but that's not my style. I'm a feeler, I feel, I care, I throw my heart out there vulnerably.

I think he saw me, but I try to shyly hide. How can you want someone to notice you but at the same want to be invisible to them? It made me wish he would go home so I could attempt to function. It's never usually this bad. I can usually do my work. But sweeping meant being closer to where he was, and I couldn't....

I couldn't get so close. It hurt to be so close, it made me shake to be so close.

He knew.

I told him once, twice...more than that how I felt.

Not a yes or a know, a simple I don't know.

He says I don't scare him or it doesn't bother him, but then words lie. Who knows what he's thinking.

His eyes, they're really blue and I love them. I wish I could look into them and see something, an answer is those blue eyes. I always did like blue eyes anyway...

He normally doesn't talk much, but I hear his voice today. It's good that he's opening up to people. I wish I could get the backbone to talk to him more, but it all comes out messed up and not what I really want to say.

I like you. I wish you could see the real me.

I've asked him to hang out a few times, but he always has a reason he can't.

I can't even reach him as a friend.

It hurts.

It snowed yesterday and so I got a ride to work today, and Jiya said he'd pick me up at eight.

It was seven when Aoshi was done working, and he was going to leave when someone in another department called out to him, and he was chatting. I sighed, murmuring a curse at my stupid reactions to him.

Why had it been so bad this time?

The manager in charge walked by and I said hello. He said I could leave. I didn't want to call Jiya, it would take too long to get a ride knowing Jiya. I needed to go home. And somehow as he walked by I couldn't help it.

_"Aoshi, are you leaving?"_

_"Yeah, why?"_

_"Could you do me a favor?"_

_"Uhh...what is it?"_

_"Can I have a ride home?"_

_"....I guess."_

_"Thanks, I live close by, remember?"_

Once before I needed a ride and managed to catch him in the parking lot. I was so nervous that time.

I followed him outside, walking behind him and my heart still pounded fast.

We got outside and I could feel the cold air hit me like a slap.

_"God it's cold." _

I could barely hear it, he mumbled a lot.

_"Yea, but not as bas as yesterday. Yesterday was zero degrees."_

_"That's true, yesterday was worse."_

Idle chatter. The only thing I could manage. I wish I could say more. Why does it always have to be an effort to speak normally to him?

I followed him to his car across the parking lot, shivering. So cold...

We got into the car and it smelled like peaches. I noticed the air freshener and smiled bemusedly at the sight of Aoshi in a grey winter hat. It was so..dorky. He vaguely recalled where I lived as we talked about work a bit and then we got to my house.

_"Thank for the ride."_

_"Ah, no problem."_

I started to get out of the car. I wanted to say something. An 'I like you'. Something.

_"Your car smells like peaches."_

As usual, something random and pointless.

He just kind of smirked and I walked inside, wanting to curse out loud. I waited till he was down the road a bit to curse loudly at the weather and walked inside.

Taking off my coat and gloves, I sat in my computer chair and sighed.

I don't know if I'll ever understand Shinomori Aoshi, or why I react the way I do. I don't know if I'll ever get over it, or if by some miracle things will develop between us.

I don't know.

But I suppose I can say, I was glad he gave me a ride home. It was the one moment of the night I almost didn't feel like I wanted to hide. Maybe the most normal I could act around him.

I'm Makimachi Misao, eternal unrequited love slave to one Shinomori Aoshi.

Good night.

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it was a oneshot...no more after this. Bah.


End file.
